List by Jedediah H.
Everyone likes a top-10 list. They’re a bit of fun, and always good for discussion. And so every so often we pull together a “top 10” list. These are here for fun and laughs – we’re not pretending that we’re the authority of good games taste in the world and this is purely the author’s preferences. Agree with him/ her or not, it’s all good.
This week, we take a reckless peek at quotes and their respective contexts from some of my favourite female characters from my childhood to young adulthood years. Most of them are from JRPGs, as that was my preferred genre growing up due to my love for reading. And a few of them are from the Metal Gear franchise, because who doesn’t enjoy creeping up on armed assailants in a cutting-edge sneaking suit with a pack of cigs and a voice honeyed with charm and shrapnel? Shirtless people? (For the record, I was wearing a shirt while writing this.)
“Stop Crying! You’re a grown up, aren’t you? I lost my mom, but I’m not gonna cry anymore!”
-Rydia, Final Fantasy II/IV
Look, Rydia doesn’t take crap from anyone. Especially when you consider that she just had her village incinerated by a package full of flaming tricksters, and her mother’s summoning form beheaded by a dark knight with an inferiority complex who was accompanied by a cocky, prickly anti-sidekick (an actual dude in a spiky garb, not a… whatever you were thinking).
This quote is directed specifically at Edward, a prince who poses as a bard to escape the pedicures that come packaged with palace life. He’s crying because he’s just lost his fiancée in an impromptu airship blitz, a pretty justifiable excuse. But not if you ask Rydia! Believe me, she knows best. (Edward sucks.)
“I’m a general, not some opera floozy!”
–Celes, Final Fantasy VI
You know the old saying that your grandfather heard from the alcoholic at the billiards hall across town: The opera is no place for a soldier. Well, he’s right, apparently. Because Celes, who by this point in her journey has about as much theatrical experience as I have landmine detonating experience (zero), is well aware of her limitations.
Naturally, this doesn’t prohibit her from sliding on stage and giving us the most memorable scene of the SNES generation. You see, everyone? Sometimes you just need to take a thousand steps out and away from your comfort zone to achieve the unforgettable.
“I love the wind. I’d forgotten how this feels. Thanks for helping me remember. Let’s go, Justin! Let’s go where the wind starts!”
-Feena, Grandia
Ah, the wind. If Feena were from the valleys or high plains of Colorado, I guarantee her opinion of the wind would be one of detestation, for it would dishevel her skirt and green scalp to the point that people from out of town would assume she hadn’t showered since the summer equinox.
But this is a beautiful line. This is the moment Feena decides to stop posing as a great adventurer and actually act on her desire to explore the unexplored. To The End of the World!
“Light is but a farewell gift from the darkness to those on their way to die.”
–The Boss, Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
Leave it to The Boss to transform an uplifting dub-step track into a dirge for the soon-to-be dead, all in the name of patriotism. I mean, her loyalty to her country is a bit extreme, right? I guess I’ve always found it kind of sexy, along with the way she CQCs her enemies’ limbs into hyper-extended poses, but then again, I’m weird and belong buried under loose porcelain.
The Boss is no romantic; she knows that light is fleeting. Darkness is eternal. And so there’s no wrong in her appointing her former pupil the duty of granting her an honourable death.
“I’m sorry. I only play for sport.”
Lara Croft, Tomb Raider (PS1)
Take this as the lesson of the day: If you’re ever thinking of hiring Lara Croft for any type of house, closet, or tomb raiding expedition, never – never ever – offer her money or riches, as the woman who received this response did. Lara uses a mansion as a jungle gym, so I think she’s pretty content.
Instead, describe, while fanning your face with a stack of hundreds, the amount of danger she’ll be in at all times. Tell her there will be a massive polar reversal and an extreme fluctuation in temperatures. Tell her there will be dinosaurs. She’ll go. I guarantee it.
“Never get between a wolf and its prey!”
-Sniper Wolf, Metal Gear Solid
Do you know what’s sexier than a woman telling me what to do? Sniper Wolf telling me what to do. Admittedly, she wasn’t actually addressing me but Otacon, who had the gametes to interrupt her and Snake during their pre-battle codec conversation. Sorry, but that’s what you get, dork (as a dork, I’m allowed to call him a dork). Don’t get betwixt and between a snake and a wolf!
Or do. Please do. That way, Snake won’t have to continuously head-shot my second favourite militaristic female character of all time in the ensuing sniper fight. Just watch your head.
“Shut-up! Make one wrong move and I’ll shoot!”
-Claire Redfield, Resident Evil: Code Veronica
Duly noted, Claire. Moving on.
“Did you actually think you’d be able to make a difference? Well, Woof, you were completely wrong, boy… completely and utterly wrong… There’s nothing anyone can do…”
–Jade, Beyond Good and Evil
Wow, that was a close one back there. Continuing on, allow me to introduce you to someone whom you’ll never have to worry about brandishing a gun in your face and enforcing verbal threats: my dear friend Jade, the bravest photojournalist in this or any gaming galaxy (and not because she’s the only photojournalist in this or any gaming galaxy).
Jade’s children, the orphans she helps look after, were just abducted by the DomZ, aliens working with the planet’s government to pacify the people through propaganda. Her line expresses a moment of self doubt and lack of faith in the political system that’s in place. Hmm, it reminds me of something…
“Could you, you know, pass gas in front of me?”
-Sodina Downfried, Thousand Arms
This is a trick question, right? If I say “yes,” then you’ll assume I don’t respect you; if I say “no,” you’ll jump to the conclusion that I’m not comfortable around you. Ummm, I’ll go with “yes”! No?! Oh-no!
Guys who have dated a woman for many months may have intimate nightmares surrounding this particular question, but this is one Sodina asks nonchalantly on one of the millions of dates you could take her on to increase her Intimacy Rating, and therefore forge stronger weaponry. If you answer incorrectly, don’t worry; she’ll only end the date, and maybe spread rumours about your flatulence.
“Liar! I was a perfect lady last night.”
-Lucca, Chrono Trigger
Girl, I’m not saying that you weren’t a lady. I’m just sayin’ that it’s kind of atypical for anyone, even a girl of your petite stature, to pass out amidst a prehistoric camp after chugging ten bowls of prehistoric stew (which I hear was alcohol in the Japanese version). That’s all I’m sayin’. I still love you, girl.
This is what happens when you let prehistoric village chiefs initiate you into their culture with prehistoric dancing and prehistoric stew: even the most brilliant, reserved member on your team will awaken the next morning with a prehistoric hangover.
Please, share your favourite quotes with us! We won’t laugh (or maybe we will – with you, of course). Have an amazing weekend!
-Jedediah H.
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